just come out here and I will go home with you...
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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