I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
