It's Friday. Sex?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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