I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
