i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
