I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He shit in the fireplace
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
