I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
