They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
