She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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