So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
