Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
