it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
