Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
