Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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