at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
