i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
