pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
