I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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