i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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