I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
