i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
