Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
