I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
