When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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