No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
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I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
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Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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