Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
