hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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