I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
