Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
