Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
