All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
