I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
