I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
