wrigley field is MILF paradise
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
