I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
