Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
