life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
