My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
