I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
