I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
