the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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