I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
