Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
