What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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