U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize