roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
