I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
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He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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