Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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