dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
