i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize