it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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