The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
