Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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