Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize