I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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