so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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