pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
