They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
