Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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