ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
