I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
