I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
