Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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